Probably

"I'm just like my mother..." begins the sweet and poignant song written by my son Calvin. It explores fate, chance, love and loss, probably. It is heart-breaking and just so damned lovely it makes me tear up every time I listen.

The song was inspired by my son's long-time relationship with the ever sweet, funny and incredibly talented writer Lindsey Beth, also known affectionately as Dottie. The two of them were inseparable through most of their college years and lived and traveled together during their semester abroad. Their relationship was loving and supportive, and, as relationships go, sometimes tumultuous. They respectfully parted around the time of their graduation and have each since begun new serious relationships with two other wonderful people, Kevin and Hanna. Calvin and Dottie remain good friends and creative partners, and knowing them as I do, I think that will continue, probably. =)

The video for this song was made by my daughter, Jillian who is a filmmaker (coincidentally in the same grad school program as Lindsey at USC). She and Lindsey also remain good friends and collaborators. Lindsey generously shared a treasure trove of footage from her iPhone "daily clips" including videos from her European travels with Calvin, which Jillian incorporated into the final film.

The art for this song was challenging, and frankly, I'm not even sure I'm done, but I'm at a stopping point. I made several different paintings for "Probably" – maybe a half a dozen attempts, eating up more than 15 days of my 100 day project. I found myself unsatisfied and frankly frustrated that I couldn't get past my instinct to capture the visual representation of probability: I used intersecting circles, DNA strands, and even typography of the mathematical equation for probability, P(A∩B) = P(A) ⋅ P(B). Some of the attempts are pictured here. (Slideshow above.)

I subtly incorporated symbols of writing for Lindsey and music for Calvin. To capture the tender sweetness of the lyric and music, I kept my palette to soft, sophisticated muted colors without being too springtime Easter pastel. But, in what I am declaring as the final piece, "Love, Probably" I used some dark contrasting elements to indicated that love is not always perfect. In the end, I think the video captures the essence of the song better than the painting, and I'm OK with that. After os many attempts I think it's probably long past time to move on to another song.

So onward it is. The next song on my list, titled "The Worst Thing I Could Lose," has some similarities to "Probably". It too is poignant and poetic and it was prominently featured in another one of Jillian's films. But thematically it is more akin to Calvin's song "Green Pants" which was featured in blog posts 20/100.

You can view the video and listen to "Probably" here, and read the lyrics below.

Probably

By Calvin Rezen

I’m just like my mother You're just like your dad We turn into each one A bit more each day So it feels like our parents are dating each other They’d probably argue and scream We’re better when we disagree Probably I tell you you're pretty You say I’m a tease You tell me I’m witty You're cute when you lie I like to be near you You sleep in my bed You say you sleep better with me Probably We eat with each other We talk in the shower Brush teeth with each other We waste away hours Man, love's such an instinct Inherent and simple All of our ancestors swooned It only makes sense we would too

Kiddo, I'm glad that it's you. We talk about children You only want boys But I think a girl might be nice If she was like you Do you think we each want a chance At raising each other? ​ An ancient prophetic decree Imprinted genetic and true You'll take care of someone like me I’ll take care for someone like you It's probably a part of us all To find ourselves love and fall Probably Probably

© Calvin Rezen. All rights reserved.