Green Pants

This song was written several years ago when Calvin was just starting his undergraduate degree at The New School University or maybe he was still in high school? No matter, it's his biggest "hit" on Spotify and a fan favorite although he hasn't played it much recently. The lyrics read like a poem and in fact, an old girlfriend submitted it into a poetry contest without his knowledge and surprised him with the announcement that he had been named as a finalist.

Calvin shared some of his ideas as he was crafting the lyrics: He wondered what would happen if everything that "defined" you as a person were disappeared or lost, what would remain? Through the analogous and disastrous washing of a pair of pants the narrator describes the utter loss of himself: his appearance (clothes), his worth (money), his ability to communicate (cell phone), his thoughts (a book of ideas), and even his actual identity "And my photo ID was completely scrubbed free of my face, and age and my name..."

The song goes on to postulate that was is left when all else is washed away is one's own self worth, and in this case, it's rife with humiliation, doubt, guilt and blame. The narrator comes to the realization that self-sabotage – and perhaps indulgent self-analysis – may be the fuel that feeds his underlying depression. The conclusion is a push toward acceptance: mistakes happen and sometimes they seem insurmountable, but they do not need to define you. Trying to fix them ("what you wash") only reveals deeper pain that lies beneath.

The painting for this song was inspired by various visuals and concepts: Stained glass, shattered glass, cracks, and even the loose suggestion of a pair of pants. Can you see it? The various shades of green feel solid, almost rock-like and immovable in the upper left and then become more translucent and are washed away as the eye moves to the lower right. The cracks remain persistent even as the stains disappear.

A couple of notes on cracks: First, there is a Japanese phrase Wabi-Sabi which is a world view that centers on the acceptance and celebration of imperfection. An example of this in art practice is a method called Kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired by filling the cracks with gold. Second, those who know me know that one of my favorite quotes is a lyric by the late great Leonard Cohen: "Ring the bells that still will ring; Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in." In the making of this painting, the cracks serve a different purpose, they are the glue that hold the broken shards together in one beautiful window.

Listen to the song here, and read the lyrics below.

Green Pants

By Calvin Rezen

I washed my green pair of pants with my shit in the pockets I ruined my wallet. I murdered my phone, And a book of ideas for the things I was writing were strangled and drowned in the soapy cyclone A black ballpoint pen with the plastic exploded The permanent ink ran all over and dried Jet black proof I was stupid all down my right leg, and I layed down the corpse of my pants and I sighed My green pair of pants got washed and the shit in my pockets got wrecked Now it’s a stained wrinkled pile What I washed became more of a mess What I washed became more of a mess My cell phone was cracked like a bitter man’s joke I pressed what was left of the buttons and the circuits inside Made a sound like a microwave chock full of hammers And I watched as it clambered to live and then die And my black leather wallet turned brown in the bleach Damn! My twenty-three dollars more worthless than none In a green deranged wad were my warped founding fathers It seemed they were frowning because I was their son My green pair of pants got washed and the shit in my pockets got wrecked Now it’s a stained wrinkled pile What I washed became more of a mess And my photo ID was completely scrubbed free of my face, and age and my name So now no one could see I was actually me All they see is that I am to blame I guess that’s a little bit melodramatic A book, and a phone, an ID, and some cash Aren’t hardly enough to feel stressed and in absence If they must be destroyed and then thrown in the trash So then why’s my heart blue, and my head in a haze Every ounce of this setback the end of my days In this terrible wake, and this dismal position The parable states, if it’s bearable listen: Don’t wash your green pair of pants Lest you think that you can’t be depressed Don’t wash your green pair of pants What you wash becomes more of a mess What you wash becomes more of a mess What you wash becomes more of a mess

© Calvin Rezen. All rights reserved.

POST SCRIPT; In the ol' art-imitates-life-imitates-art scenario, Calvin had a real-life Green Pants moment when his laptop with all of his music, writing, recordings, contacts, ideas, schoolwork, etc went missing... poof! Vanished into thin air either from his grad school or on the subway home. He spent four days looking to no avail. He beat himself up mercilessly, desperately pleading with his entire school administration and classmates to help him locate it. Finally, assuming it was stolen, he filed a police report and reluctantly purchased a new computer. Things went downhill further when his attempt to set up the new computer using a back-up file and an Apple program called "Time Machine" ended up corrupting the hard drive...all his archives were lost. A brutal turn of events. But wait! The story ends (mostly) well – his laptop was "miraculously" discovered by a classmate who had inadvertently thought it was his, packed it up in his bag, and then somehow missed all the desperate school-wide announcements, chatter, emails, frantic drawer and locker searching, and the communal laser focus on whatever happened to Calvin's vanishing laptop. What a relief to have it returned. His archives are still corrupted, and Calvin has a thing or two to say about the feckless so-called Apple "Geniuses", but he's hoping a data recovery service can help him.